Getting Bucked Off

My first horse, that was all mine, was a pony who showed up at my house when I was 8. My first fight with him was probably the next day! And my greatest lessons in the power of bad communication began. 

Bad Communication

I didn’t speak horse yet, and he didn’t speak English, and I certainly wasn’t listening to what his actions had to say.  I just knew everyone was happy for me - and I was scared!

Everyone was telling me what to do and nothing amazing was happening.   In fact, mostly awful things were happening.

He would rear like a Lipizzner…

He would rear like a Lipizzaner when I’d pull to the left.  I’d cry and the older kids would climb on and make him do it for fun!  He’d crow-hop if I wanted to go forward and then I’d eat the dirt while the others looked at me and rode by. 

Needless to say, my mastery of learning through ‘trial and error’ began with a lot of errors. And then more errors. And one day, after crying so hard there were brown tear streaks down my dust covered face from being “bucked off” once again (probably really just falling off) of ol’ Sam, I climbed back in the saddle and learned to be a leader. 

I had to make a choice of what I wanted: ‘cowgirl up’ and learn how to ride - so I could move cows with my dad, ride and race with my friends, compete at the fair, and all the things I wanted to do; or go home. 

Load up the horse, quit eating dirt, be done with failing, be done with falling.

Let my failure to give direction and lead in a partnership with Sam, lead me away from what I wanted, but also lead me away from struggle and stress and embarrassment. 

Good thing I’m a Kent.  I may not have talked much and been shy and was totally physically awkward, but I was also determined, willing to work, and stubborn.

Strength in Choice

I found new ways to show strength - I wasn’t ever going to be stronger than a horse, but I learned to read his signals and what he was about to do next.  That gave me choice in my response. And it taught me how to communicate in a larger way, it wasn’t his fault if he didn’t act “right” - if he couldn’t even tell what I wanted. I learned what rewards he enjoyed and what work he did not appreciate. And I learned to commit time and attention to him as we developed trust and respect for each other that paid off in a partnership that would win every ribbon at the county fair. (Or a good handful of them anyway.)

A Dozen Books on Confidence…

I could have read a dozen books on confidence by the time I figured it out but I would never have learned to possess that way of being, to be able to embody something another living creature could trust for direction and for safety, if I hadn’t experienced it.

These are the moments that stick with you, not because you read another chart, not because you got a stamp on a certificate, but because, through having an experience, actively participating and finally succeeding (even if you failed 100 times first…) you were fully embodied in the moment.  

I would have no idea until years and years later what this was setting me up for, but I will forever be grateful for the summer that stubborn, super cute, very smart horse showed up in my life and made me lead.

It’s those moments you can bring yourself back to when you need them.  It’s a presence in that one instant, so throbbing and strong and intense that sometimes nothing else exists except what you’re doing – That is clarity of purpose. That is determination. That is courage and focus. 

That is experiential learning.  

That is leadership experience. 

Thanks for reading or watching The Leadership Experience!  Let me know your thoughts on the episode on Facebook and let me know your first leadership experience!